Blood tests...

So today I went to go get my second blood tests. Finally. I have been avoiding the situation for months now (since I found out in December). It is avoidance, as well as work being always there. A doctor's appointment seems so far away.

It was painless though. In and out. Hopefully it won't cost too much because I have no health insurance right now...but I was planning on paying in cash anyways. I want to keep as many records of my appointments off the books while I can. I don't want to cause any unnesacary worrying to my family if it comes back negative. But in reality I don't know what will happen. I think that is why I want the test. To get another full 'yes' or 'no' on my situation. I think I will cry whatever the results are though. Happy if negative, sad acceptance if it is positive.

I just have to accept that we can change life as much as we want, but we must accept things we can't change. Hep C has no real current cure and if diagnosed, you can take anti-viral medicine, but it is more like cancer. You go into remission. Sure, there are a ton of people that live healthy lives after being tested, but I know currently in my life my fear of diagnosis keeps me from really wanting to connect to people, especially physically connect with people. I couldn't take it if I knew I had "infected" someone with what I have (if positive). Sometimes the fear of not knowing is so great it racks on your brain. The 'gray zone' we are sometimes in when it comes to life. But I will see. They are telling my possibly 3 days to get my results in. Then I may possibly know. Possibly. I just have to hope for the best.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.