back in the states pt I

So, as of now I have been back in the states for a week. Looking back on it all, it seems like it was a rush of memories that came in and left as quickly. The time I spent with my family and the children is just something I will always appreciate. There is something about being away from your work afterwards. There is always the feeling of worry and dread that comes over you. Did my work amount to anything? Will it be used correctly? Am I making a difference? Sometimes they swarm through your head, but once you are away, all you can do is hope for the best. You just have to look down at the road and say, " I did my best, sometimes I fell, but I tried." I guess that is all I can hope for. I do not think I can forget those kids, their faces, their simple laughter. I can't forget dancing for ten minutes with Eliea. I can't forget little things. The boy whose shoe would always fly off when he would kick a ball. Juan's smile. The laughter of the computer teachers when I would understand his Spanish and he my English. Small experiences that make you realize that we are not alone in the world and that we are connected. Although divided by culture, language, religion, and more on the list of life, really we are all the same. We are all flesh and bone, and we all suffer from similar pains. We even share common hand gestures. I guess it is the hippie in me coming out, but when you realize how much of the world is isolated from us because of language, it kind of pushes you back. The feeling of having a huge gust of wind knock the breath out of you. Okay, now I am ranting.

Next post: Politics of Mexico!_!

last days in Mexico

June 28^th

I think one thing you learn with working with technology is sometimes you win and sometimes you lose. Today we went to another private school that all ready had a computer lab set up. It was a nice format, computers on he side of the room and the chairs in the center. This school, Juan Escutia, had more problems than the previous school. The teacher, Kyke, said he said some problems with the floppies, CD drives, internet, and three computers. The school has an electrical problem. I think it had only maybe plugs in the whole room and 20 computers were to be powered from those three. So that caused a power surge and killed three computers. Also, there seems to be a problem with the internet. One side of the room always gets internet, the other does not. So we went to work. Some girls took a god d drive and floppy to test with all the computers. It turned out that all the CD drives worked, and only three floppies did not. So that went well. I allowed myself to work on the internet problem. Really, I still do not know what it is. In the main office they have a phone box that uses DSL to provide internet. From that bow it goes to the room and the routers. All the lights come on, and all the cords work…So I turned it off, turn it back on and it works…I still do not know.

That was most of the day. I’m starting to get that feeling that what I am doing does not help. Sometimes I feel that way. That what I provide is only tools. I worry that the schools will have the tools, but will not use them…I think I am just getting depressed. I know in some way I have affected someone’s life. I guess it is hard to see. I also think that since it is getting towards the end of the trip I am developing my apathetic outlook. It seems to happen no matter what. I guess another reason why I am a little down is because I feel like I should do more. I feel like I need to through myself completely into my work to help someone. I think that may be why I getting annoyed with people. Who knows. Tomorrow will be our last working day. We will go to the orphanage in the mountains again. This time we will drop off all the computers we brought with us. I do not think I will update again until Monday because I have been using one of the computers to type everything. Again, I will try to post some sort of cultural post when I get home again…I just keep typing late at night…and I seem to fall asleep. Anyways…

- you’re gonna carry the weight.

June 29^th

So Friday was our last day (sort of). In the morning we went to the Dickens school (middle school and high school) and saw the kids there. They did this whole little program where the set up the classrooms and spoke english...it was pretty cool, they went all out. Oh! and my little brother Jorge spoke english so well!!!We went to Casa Hogar again…the orphanage. It was awesome. We dropped off the laptops, but did not work on them much. It was mostly a day to hang with the kids. There was this one girl, Elaie,

who loved to dance…at one point we danced to one song for 10 minutes…long dance. I, there are no words to describe those kids. As of now I am typing from back in the states, and I can’t believe I am not in Mexico now. I just, want to help. I think of those kids. Beautiful smiling kids, and they are alone. They have each other, but I can not get over the feeling that I should just take them in my arms and say, ‘you have a home with me.’ Sometimes I feel that I could just consume the world, the dirt, water and air, and fill it with everything I have if it means someone will feel it. Tears were shed, especially when Juan left. Juan...*shakes head and laughs*

June 30^th

Went to coffee farm…oh, one of my first loves…

July 1^st

Last day with family…*tear*

July 2^nd- 3^rd

Veracruz, Mexico then Baton Rouge!